Before the telling begins, let it be known that I ran till my own knees knocked against each other…
Anyway, it wasn’t my fault. None of it was caused by any of my acts, I just wanted to heal and forgive my own fear and hurt.
And what did the simplest of desires lead to? Everyone joined hands to pinch and throw hard rock and spikes at my already broken heart.
And now I face blame and shame for fighting back. I couldn’t sit and watch as I broke and fell, I couldn’t find refuge on the crap and dirt!
I fought! Believe me. I fought till my nails wore off, I fought for the very sails that pushed my pride. I punched and bit, I swear I did every single bit.
And still I couldn’t find something to love, so I fought harder. My mind fanning the rage only fire knows, my heart burning from the freezing sun, it still hurts!
Throughout the torment I only thought of one word, pain. Somehow I had believed gain came with this pain, the pain that crushed the hardest of men and hardened the softest of hearts.
And when the fighting got too much to handle, I started to run. And I ran, I ran so hard that the soles of my feet hurt. I ran into every tree and into any pit, just to save my sight from the growing hurt.
I knew I’d fall one day tired than the hounds of hell, I knew I’d drop lagged like the devoted lesser servant. So I ran even harder, and my knees started the dancing and cracking. I was sure I’d drop dead and quit
And then I fell so hard that I felt the groud grumble, I wasn’t hurt. I crashed further into the dirt and there I sought something to love deep from my heart.
I still search. My knees hurt, my heart too.